To swallow or not to swallow? (Totally G-rated)

I have long debated the use of the Crest Whitestrips . You see, my teeth have become, um... *un-white* (sounds better than yellowish, right?) but I've never been brave enough to use the strips for fear of the catastrophe that always seems to befall me when I attempt such things. Boy, do I know myself.....

So - as Allen and I are snuggling into bed I grab the box of whitestrips and attempt to read (again, in the dark - why did I not learn from the **Nyquil incident?) the directions. I open the package for the top strip ; somehow manage to put it on backwards...curse a lot... then finally get the wretched thing adhered to my teeth. I decide that I need a mirror to apply the bottom strip and walk over to the dresser. I got it on in a much quicker manner.... then go sit on the bed to wait the 30 minutes the box (I believe) said to wait. As I'm sitting the saliva in my mouth begins to build up... and the thought crosses my mind "Is it safe to swallow while wearing this contraption? Will the goo that is supposed to bleach my teeth have an effect on my insides if I swallow this?" I turn to get Allen's counsel on the matter only to find that he has passed out. I believe that was a good thing as he did not need to witness the ridiculousness that ensued. So I turn to the handy little booklet that comes with the whitestrips. I scour it, I even read the damned thing in Spanish - all to no avail. Nowhere does it mention whether or not it is safe to swallow. It states that you should not eat or drink whilst wearing the strips (check), it states that the peroxide used to whiten the teeth will not damage your tooth enamel, then it goes on to say "Whitestrips are proven safe when used as directed." Great, Does this mean that since I am not "directed" to swallow while I have these in that it's possibly not safe to do so? I decide to take the cautious route and not swallow... which means for 30 gruesome minutes I sat drooling spit+whitestrip goo onto a towel.. in the dark.... it was shear hell. I literally counted the seconds in the last minute... I removed the devices that were behind all of this agony - went and brushed the goo off of my teeth.. then I took a long,very satisfying drink of water...and at long last I swallowed. It was glorious. You don't realize how involuntary swallowing normally is until you are voluntarily trying to avoid it. I believe it put enormous strain on me thus giving me a sore throat.


**Let's just say that it was much too dark in my bedroom for determining the proper amount of Nyquil to administer (to myself). I'll leave the rest for your imagination....