Jessica, Allen and I went to see a movie on Saturday night - I think it was the first movie I've been to in the theater in 6 months. I was so jazzed, I hadn't eaten dinner in anticipation of the over-buttered popcorn, goobers, and gallon sized Dr. Pepper. (I'm a health nut, as you can tell) Now, I'm going to admit something about myself and my weird rules about going to the movies; and once again - I am very aware of how weird this is: I insist upon being seated, all greasy and/or chocolate-covered goodies in hand at least 10 minutes before the previews start. I know it's dumb - but I have to ground myself. I have to "soak" into the environment, if you will. (It's entirely possible that all that is really happening is that I need that much time to talk to whomever I'm with before the movie starts - 2 hours of silence from my mouth is a damn near impossible task.) Returning to Saturday night - we were late getting to the theater. We needed to stop for cash and on our way to get it my husband, who is WELL aware of my *10 minutes before the previews* rule informs me that he needs to stop at the store. After glancing at the clock and doing some quick (albeit inaccurate) math I informed him that "You have lost your head if you think I'm stopping at the store right now." However, realizing that Allen was in desperate need of his snuff fix, and being the AWESOME wife that I am, I agreed to drop him off in the street (where he could walk to the store)on my way to the ATM - and I would be back to get him once I got cash. And that's exactly how that went down.
Fast forward past the never-ending ticket line and concession stand line - and into the theater. I am on the verge of hives as we walk in to the already-playing previews. DAMMIT. I move past it, overcome - and almost thouroughly enjoy the movie experience. What kept me from completely enjoying it, you ask? It might have something to do with the couple next to us who had their 7 YEAR OLD daughter in this R- rated film that had explicit, loud, vulgar and without warning sex scenes. I'm talking full-on nudity, language -the whole shebang. I suppose the mom caught on to my utter disgust (may have had something to do with my blatent staring at her while mouth gaping open) and instructed her daughter to *Cover her eyes.* Yeah - because that always works. For starters, you remember what you did when you were watching a movie/TV show and your parents told you to cover your eyes. You put your hand- fingers slightly seperated - over those eyes to ensure you could see whatever it was they didn't want you to. Great plan. And furthermore (redundancy?) covering your eyes doesn't stop the language from seaping into your ears. Maybe the kid legitimately covered her eyes and didn't peak - but she sure got an earful of vulgarity and smut. Ugh.

It's late. I'll step down from the soapbox.